Five Minute Insanity
by Chasing2morrow
Summary: Naruto blinked at the two men. The two men blinked back. "Uh... Hi," Naruto said, still staring at the strangers. They said something which he could not understand. Naruto really needed to stop hanging around Jiraiya. Short crack oneshot.


Naruto stared at the canister sitting on his table when he got home. It had been years since he had last been there and dust covered every surface. Except the canister was dust free.

But that was beside the point.

The point was simple: There was a canister on his table. He had the feeling that it stared right back at him. He did not remember leaving this canister on his table. There was no dust on this canister and no footprints on his dust-covered floor.

Then how did it get there?

Ignoring the fact that the canister _could be dangerous_, Naruto reached out to pick it up. When his fingers touched it, however, he recoiled in shock. The canister was _cold_, as if it had just been taken from a freezer (_P__robably minus a thousand degrees_, Naruto thought) after being in there for years. But it couldn't have.

Could it?

Suddenly, the container jerked, as if being punched from the inside. Which was impossible, unless one- or several- of Shino's bugs were in there. The canister wasn't that big.

Of course, things just got weirder. A white orb materialized on the other side of the table (where, by the way, something was still trying to punch its way out of the canister) until it was about the size of Jiraiya. Two men (one really tall and the other slightly shorter and just a tad bit heavier) stepped from it, baring a net, a cigarette, a boom box, and... Was that a hairdryer with a fake mustache at the end of it?

Naruto blinked at the two men.

The two men blinked back.

"Uh... Hi," Naruto said, still staring at the strangers.

They said something which he could not understand.

Naruto immediately deduced that they were aliens that were here to abduct him because he was so handsome. Or because he was just plain awesome. Or because of the Kyuubi. Any of those would work.

The shorter guy said something to the taller guy when Naruto stayed silent. Then the taller guy shouted and pointed to the table at the canister. Both men seemed to get excited about it. The taller man made to grab it, but Naruto stopped him with a flash of his kunai.

"What are you doing here?"

Again, there was a language barrier, frustrating both parties.

Suddenly, the canister snapped open and two black beads shot out, straight at the two strangers. Naruto stared and did nothing as the black beads forced their way into the strangers' mouths. The two struggled and Naruto wanted to help them, but how do you help somebody when a flying... _glob_ attacks them? There was nothing he could do except stare at the two unfortunate men.

Great, now he would have to take care of the bodies. _Now how to go about it without seeming like a crazy man, _he mused silently with a small grin playing upon his lips.

The two men groaned and held their aching heads. _Okay, so they __**aren't**__ dead_, Naruto thought with a frown. Cautiously, he walked over and nudged the taller man (both had fallen during their scuffle with the weird black flying things) with his toe. He only groaned. The other one, however, was sitting up. Naruto held his kunai out in warning.

"What are you doing here?" he repeated. He moved the kunai under the man's chin.

"The kunai is made with carbonated steel folded ninety-six times and enforced with chakra," the man mumbled. There were other larger words, but Naruto didn't understand a word of it. That was somebody else's job, like Shikamaru.

Naruto pushed the knife harder against the man's neck. "This is the last time I'll repeat this. If you don't answer, I'll kill you. _What are you doing here?"_

The man glanced down at the tan arm connected to the sharp knife that was cutting his skin. "We were looking for that canister, actually."

The orange-clad ninja stared at the man disbelievingly. "You aren't here to take me to the Akatsuki or something?"

"Why would we take you to a cat?"

Naruto pulled out another kunai and pointed it to the other man. "Akatsuki. You know, the group that wants the tailed demons for some plan or another?"

Both men looked at each other. The taller one said, "Look, kid, we have no idea what you are talking about. Can you just let us go and we'll be on our merry way? We wouldn't want your mommy to know that you've been playing with knives and strangers, now would we?"

A blond eyebrow rose. "I'm a ninja. I've been playing with 'knives' for almost a decade. Hey, hey!" Naruto got excited and pulled away from the two. He grinned brightly. "Are you here because I'm so awesome? And- and- and you want to take me to your leader?"

"Kid, look," the taller one said as he stood. He picked up the boom box and cigarette, setting the music player on his shoulder and the cigarette in his mouth. After dusting it off, of course. "All we wanted was the canister." To his friend he said, "This sure is a strange world. This kid believes he's a _ninja_. Of all things!"

"Ignore him," the shorter man said, shooting the taller guy a dangerous look before picking up the net and hair dryer. The mustache had fallen off and he reattached it almost listlessly before continuing. "I'm Dave and this is John."

Naruto stared at the offered hand. Instead of taking it, he bowed like Jiraiya had shown him when they first started their journey. "Uzumaki Naruto." It was best to be polite to these strangers and see what they wanted. Naruto didn't _want_ to do it that way, but he really had no other choice. He made a seal for his signature battle move and a clone came into existence at his side. Both men were amazed, but Naruto just turned to his clone. "Go tell Baa-chan about these two."

The clone saluted with a toothy grin and dashed out through the window.

"You can make clones of yourself?"

"**_No_**, John." David pulled the taller man towards the white orb. "I'm sorry, Uzumaki-san, but we have to get going."

"You know, people to do, places to destroy," added John in a cheery voice.

Naruto stared wide-eyed after them as they stepped through the white orb. Then the orb disappeared as well. With a sigh, he dispersed his clone. Luckily, the clone hadn't gone too far. Naruto shook his head, eyes still wide, as he stared at the place the white orb had been. He really needed to stop hanging around Jiraiya.


End file.
